Chapter Five


Shaken, Not Stirred - by Todd K. Frazier


Todd struggled futilely against the thick straps binding him to the gurney. He felt the hair on his thighs wither and curl up as the heat from the laser approached.........

Todd started to whimper. He was good at that, as he'd been practicing lately.

Greg started to laugh, in an evil manner. Something Greg had been good at for a very long time.

"Why do you want to kill me so bad??" Todd demanded.

Greg laughed some more. Evily.

Todd suddenly looked horrified at something behind Greg. Greg in a fit of curiosity, turned to see what Todd was so scared of. There was nothing there. He turned back around. "Oh, very funn......"

Todd wasn't there. The laser beam was cutting through what was left of the straps. Jumping to his feet, Greg spun his head back and forth, searching in fear. "Todd?"

No one answered.

Greg nervously trod his way back to the bridge of his backup ship, keeping his guard up the entire time. Finally, he plunked himself down in the captains chair. "Computer. Where is Todd?"

"Todd is not on board this ship."

"Well then, where is he?"

"Unable to comply with your question. Besides, you are being hailed."

"Ah! It must be Todd, back to kill me already." Greg said, with guarded relief that his enemy wasn't lurking somewhere closer at hand. "Screen on."

The screen wavered into focus. "Hello Greg. Long time, no see." Jerry said.

"Jerry Tomkins?" Greg stammered.

"Well, I'm not the Easter bunny. By the way...it's Tompkins. You forgot the 'p' again."

"What are you doing here?"

"Todd hired me to be 'M'."


"Ask a lot of questions, don't you?" Jerry said, rolling his eyes. "Yes, 'M'. Like in the Bond movies. You used a James Bond trap, so Todd legally had the right to use a Bond getaway. I gave him a nifty watch, like this one." Jerry held up a watch with a tiny rotary saw around the faceplate. "If you don't believe it's a legal move, you can refer to your manual. Page 15, section 10, subsection 4, paragraph 3, sentence 15b. You DO read the manuals don't you?"

"Not usually, no." Greg admitted.

"Well, there's your problem. I've got to go now, I need to get back to the real universe." Jerry said. "Nice talking to you."

"Yeah, it's good to see you again, too." Greg mumbled. "One last question?"


"Where's Todd?"

"How should I know? What do I look like, a grumpy old man who plays with computers all day?"

"Well, yes."

"Oh yeah.. wrong answer anyway. Look, I've had a bad week and all. I'm still waiting for my powerbook to get back from Apple. I haven't seen Todd since I gave him that watch. Bye." The screen went blank.

"I wonder what else he gave him?" Greg thought to himself. "Computer? Are you SURE Todd's not on this ship?"


"OK." Greg hopped up and walked to his quarters. It had been a long day. He grabbed a cappuccino from his auto-cappuccino maker and relaxed in an overstuffed chair in his room. Drinking the last of his drink, Greg rested his head back and put his feet up.

"Computer. Are you SURE Todd's not on this ship."


"What? You said he wasn't." Greg complained.

"He wasn't. Now he is again."

Greg tried to get out of his chair. But couldn't. The Chair held him in place, as if he were stuck to it with insanity glue, which he was. "So, that's what else Jerry gave him."

Todd strolled into the room. "Nice ship. I think I'll take it."

"Where have you been?" Greg demanded.

"Oh, here and there. I cut myself loose with this nifty watch, and then I beamed into my pocket-sized-insta-ship, by way of the molecular re-sizeing transporter beam, warped through a self generated wormhole, rematerialized in this universe 10 hours earlier than when I left, after returing to normal size, planted cameras all over your ship, waited until a few hours from now, got a good idea of when you would sit in this chair, jumped back in time again and set up my little trap for you. Does that answer your question?"

"Um....yes. What are you going to do to me?" Greg demanded.

"You do ask a lot of questions, don't you?" Todd said, rolling his eyes. "Well, I'm going to make sure you don't hurt me anymore. That's what. Then maybe I can figure out:

One, why I'm here. Two, why you are here. Three, why you want to kill me so bad. And finally, Four, how I get home."

With that, Todd pulled out a large spray can. He began spraying Greg's feet. Greg began to scream when he realized what was going to happen.


A few hours later, a large cube of solid plastic sat in the middle of the bridge to Greg's ship. Greg was inside the cube, with a look of terror frozen on his encased face. Todd liked Greg this way. It was safer.

"I still don't feel safe enough." Todd stated to the unmovable Greg. He flipped a switch on his nifty watch, and beamed himself and Greg to another ship's bridge.

Todd turned on the viewscreen, which showed Greg's backup ship. "Lock photons on the engines." Todd said to the computer of his new Q610 starship.

"Lock confirmed." A voice that sounded just like Lt. Sulu replied.


Greg's ship was consumed in a large, ever expanding fireball, until it collapsed back in on itself, leaving nothing behind.

Todd smiled at Greg, who looked on in horror, as he could do nothing else since he was frozen.

"Now, maybe I can get something done with you out of the way." Todd refered to a small galactic map that was displayed on the navigation console. "Ah! This might be what I've been looking for! Computer, lay in a course for the Planet of Ultimate Knowledge. PUK for short. Engage!"




These pages are maintained by Todd K. Frazier
© 2024Todd K. Frazier & Greg Hartman. All Rights Reserved.
This page was last updated on Thursday May 03, 2007
There have been [an error occurred while processing this directive]
visitors to this page since
February 28, 2002