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DAVID BAPTISTHORNECDOTES |
French Horn players and brass players
everywhere know the agony of screw
ups and ecstasy of perfection inherent
in live performances.
Hornecdotes consists of a few of
David's favorites and those you have contributed.
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*This page is an archive of items that David wanted to share. It has been left "as is" for your enjoyment.*
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2. Have your part prepared. 3. Take a pencil. 4. Sit up straight. 5. Pay attention 2. Don't practice too much ahead of time. You don't want to "peak" too soon. 3. If you take a pencil to rehearsal, take enough for everybody...and make sure the eraser is worn down. It helps give the music an antique look. 4. Always ad lib and take things up an octave. It shows initiative, and the composer would probably be grateful. 5. Always laugh out loud when someone misses a note. Humiliation builds character. 6. Always chew gum during rehearsal. It shows everyone that you can do two things at one time. 7. Never count during long rests. Rely on your neighbor to tell you when to play. 8. Always play the 4th Horn cues, because he always plays yours. 9. Always be the last one to cut off. Someone has to. 10. Always slouch in your chair. It shows you are relaxed. 11. Never play absolutely in tune. It sounds funny. 12. Always raise your hand during rehearsal and ask a stupid question. It helps kill time, and gives everyone a chance to stare at you. 13. Always make strange noises through your instrument. It draws attention to yourself. 14. Always beat your foot in time with a piece other than what you are playing. 15. Never let anyone play louder than you. 16. Always glance at the conductor. He likes to think he's in charge. |
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This hornecdote was submitted by Howie S., Canada The following was told to me by one of the players
in our section (The Calgary Civic Symphony).
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Hornecdote submitted by Mike ("Moose T") at Huddersfield University, Huddersfield, England A certain teacher of note made slightly critical comments
of the use of Hand horns (apparently described them as being generally
played by "the brown rice and sandals brigade"!) It just so happened
that one of our number was practicing the Telemann Horn concerto for a
forth coming contest. While our teacher was on a break, we got the department's
hand horn from the store and the soloist set up for his lesson. Us
other hornists stood outside the practice room, but within hearing distance.
Enter our teacher to the sound of the Telemann. His response? A cry of,
"Oh my God!".
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Hornecdote submitted by Mike ("Moose T") Tupper, Huddersfield University, Huddersfield, England My fave hornecdote happened to an unnamed 3rd horn playing under the baton of Sir Thomas Beecham. The orchestra were about halfway through rehearsing a phrase in the overture, when Beecham stopped conducting. "Third Horn, you're flat!" The orchestra played the phrase again..."Third Horn, you're still flat!". A musician raised his hand. "But, Sir Thomas...the third Horn hasn't arrived yet?". A pause, then Beecham replied, "Well, when he does arrive, tell him he's flat!" |
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| Name of offender:
Intstrument: IMPERSONATING A PROFESSIONAL |
FINE
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Date/Time of Offense:
Location: ****************** |
FINE
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| __Stupid questions |
$10
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__Reference to obscure recordings/
performances |
$90
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| __Really stupid questions |
$25
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__Pretending to understand absurd
metaphor |
$90
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| __Really stupid questions which
increase rehearsal length |
$300
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__Understanding absurd metaphor |
$25
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| PRESUMPTUOUS FIRST YEAR
BEHAVIOR |
FINE | ANNOYING BEHAVIOR BY VETERANS | FINE |
| __Musicology |
$25
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__Playing high notes louder than
possible (brass) |
$2500
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| __Historical nitpicking |
$50
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__Holding same 1/4 beat longer than
everyone else (brass) |
$200
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| __Obtrusive foot tapping |
$10
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__Discussing technique during
rehearsal |
$100
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| __Uninvited conducting |
$15
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__Discussing technique during
break |
$200
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| __Questioning Concertmaster's or
Principal's bowings (strings) |
$25
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__Discussing technique with Guest
Artist (at any time) |
$500
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| __Comparing Concertmaster's or
Principal's bowings with what Philadelphia Orchestra did under Ormandy (Strings) |
$100
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__Tiresome time-consuming
anecdotes |
$30
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| GENERAL TOADYING | FINE | __Tiresome, time-consuming
anecdotes about famous musicians (second hand) |
$60
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| __Insane cackling at Conductor's bad
jokes |
$50
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__Tiresome, time-consuming
anecdotes about famous musicians (FIRST hand) |
$90
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| __Lound and forced horse laugh at
Conductor's bad jokes |
$10
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__Naming yourself after a dead
composer |
$50
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| __Unwarranted beatific smile while
playing (strings) |
$40
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__Naming yourself after a LIVE
composer |
$100
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| __Conspicuous professional reading
(e.g. International Musician, etc.) |
$3500
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__Feigning European birth by
"Lapsing" into foreign languages |
$150
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| __Stulifying minute bowing/breath
questions |
$75
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GENERAL OBNOXIOUS BEHAVIOR | FINE |
| __Conversing with Conductor in
language other than English |
$95
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__Selling Amway |
$50
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| __Active and public nodding in
agreement with Conductor |
$35
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__Inviting Conductor to party |
$15
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| __Pencil behind ear |
$25
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__Inviting Guest Artist to party |
$100
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| __Conspicuous part marking |
$15
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__Showing pictures of Guest Artist
at party at the first rehearsal after the party |
$200
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| __Letting pencil clatter on stand
after conspicuous part marking |
$500
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_____________________
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| __Obvious, insipid consultation of
Conductor's score during break |
$150
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shall be cause for Revocation of Artistic License |
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